As we grow in our relationship with Jesus, changes begin to take place in our lives. Usually, these changes are slow and steady. Occasionally we'll zoom ahead, but more often than not spiritual growth happens fairly gradually.
There are times, though, that God wants to take us deeper in our relationship with Him, but in order to do so He must shake up some of the foundations in our lives that are preventing us from going where He wants to take us.
That is where spiritual heart surgery takes place.
The first major surgery I remember undergoing was in my mid-twenties. I had been walking with the Lord for some time, and had been extremely active in the church. I was leading a small group, teaching the Sunday School class, attending prayer meeting, etc. Over a period of several months I noticed a couple of things. First, the joy in these activities was slowly evaporating. I found I was doing these tasks with less and less satisfaction. Second, I was tired. Everything I did seemed to require extraordinary amounts of energy. If felt like I would collapse under the burden of one more church activity.
I tried everything I knew to come out of the drudgery that had become my walk with God. I read "refreshing" books. I tried praying and studying the Bible more diligently. I spent more time worshiping. I tried everything I knew how to do, but nothing helped.
Then a series of events occurred at church that finally caused me to collapse spiritually. It was at that point that God taught me about grace. We are saved by grace, sanctified by grace, and will be glorified by grace. I had slipped into a performance treadmill. God simply increased the speed and incline of the treadmill until I couldn't take it anymore. Then He laid a foundation of grace in my life.
A second major heart surgery occurred shortly after becoming the pastor of Nashwauk Alliance Church. I had arrived ready to "go for it" as a pastor. I had been involved in churches for years and had just graduated from seminary armed with the latest and greatest theories about pastoring churches. I was ready to rock!
Nothing worked.
The great theories simply didn't fit our small town iron range culture. My experience in trendy suburban churches wouldn't buy me a cup of coffee at the Wauk-In Cafe. Now what was I going to do? I sat at the end of the dock feeling totally helpless and crying out to God in desperation. I simply didn't know what to do.
In those times, God taught me the absolute necessity of spending time with Him and getting my marching orders daily from Him. The reality was that I didn't know how to pastor NAC. I still don't. All I can do is try to hear His voice and do what I believe he is telling me to do. I cannot tell you how liberating it is to know that I don't have to rely on my own experience or learning. God uses them, sure, but really the bottom line is hearing and obeying the voice of God.
You see, God wants us to not only know the truths of His Word, he wants us to experience them first-hand. He not only wants us to know about grace, he wants us to experience grace. He not only wants us to know that He answers prayer, he wants us to experience answered prayer. He not only wants us to know that He will lead us, He wants us to experience His leading. Sometimes He needs to do surgery to help us experience Him more fully.
So today I'm having those "chest pain" feelings again. Yesterday I described some of the pressures I'm experiencing as the church grows as being the cause of the spiritual "chest pains." Today I read something in my journal that explains the real reason. Here's what I wrote last fall:
"Father, I ask that you would mold me into the pastor you want me to be. Help me learn the lessons that you want me to learn. I want to understand the way to lead the church to the 'next step' in our journey. You have brought some things together, but I sense that there is changing to be done in me..."God is answering my prayer. I've learned that I can trust my "surgeon" to perform successful surgery. I'm not sure what the lessons will be, but I know that the end result will be a closer walk with Him. That's all I really want.
Don't worry about me. Pray for me, yes, but don't worry. I'm in good hands.
At the same time, let me encourage you to make an appointment with the "heart doctor." The results are worth the surgery!
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